Note: This letter was written by Carol Worthington, our Bishop’s wife in Germany. Carol was one of Mom’s dearest friends while we lived at Ramstein AB. Thanks go to Ina Marie (Edgar) Bleak for transcribing this letter for us. “Thank you, Marie!” Love you all, Dad.
Summer 1989
Dear Children,
I am writing this letter to you to give you my perceptions of your mother Jenny during the time that I knew her during this life. You’ve all, I’m sure, been in a strange place among strange people, feeling perhaps a wide range of emotions such as lonely, ill at ease, etc. I am a person that usually welcomes the challenge of the new, the unexpected, or different change of scene. However, when my family moved to Germany, I was not well and was having difficulty in my pregnancy and felt very incapable of meeting the challenges that were before me. Our first Sunday at the chapel in Kaiserslautern is where I first met your mother. She is the first person I met. As my husband (Scott) and I were walking down the hallway, she stopped and introduced herself, directed my children to the primary, and then took me to the Relief Society Room. She took a seat by me, and we sat and conversed for a few minutes. Your mother was very warm, friendly, and concerned and made me feel very welcome in a new environment. At the time, I was very impressed with her because she radiated the light of Christ, and I must say it truly warmed my soul.
During the following weeks, we visited in the hallway before meetings, and I grew to love and admire your mother very much. She had a talent of friendship, love, and concern for other people, and I always felt I was a better person for having been in her presence. I remember sitting in a room with her and some other women who were waiting to be set apart for callings. I think it is very strange that I can’t remember any other woman in that room except for your mother and I remember thinking how much I admired her as she conversed with those other sisters and touched them with the same love and concern she had for me.
People who are earnestly striving to live the gospel have an aura of light about them and others are attracted to them because of this. This was certainly true of your mother. I remember watching her in church when she was sitting with you and your father; and, I remember thinking she was a lovely person with a lovely family, and her love and concern for you were very evident. I felt a great surge of strength when I saw her at church and an immediate disappointment and almost sadness when I didn’t see her. I remember that she was dressed very tastefully and always looked nice. I might say that what she did wear in life really wasn’t important because she had a wonderful stage presence. By that, I mean that wherever she was or whomever she was with, there was life, meaningful conversation, enthusiasm, love, and a great buoyancy that gave her a great ability to touch lives. She was a great performer on the stage of life and truly magnified Christ’s teachings in the performance she gave.
Your mother was called to be the Stake Primary President, and I had the privilege of serving as the in-service leader on her board. As a leader, she was also wonderful and magnified her calling and was very inspirational in helping us to magnify our callings too. She was always direct and to the point, and there was no waste of time in indecision, criticism, etc. She bore strong witness to the reality of God, of prayer and faith in Heavenly Father and admonished us in each of our callings to ask God what He would have us do in our callings. She never used unrighteous dominion to control or guide us in our stewardships. She put the responsibility on our shoulders and encouraged and lifted us. It was very evident with her mantle of authority she relied heavily on Heavenly Father to make the decisions that needed to be made in that part of his vineyard.
Your parents moved to Ramstein Air Force Base from Sembach several months after we too had moved there, I was delighted because your family was only down the street from us and I was looking forward to the chance of getting better acquainted with your mom.
Your mother was very sensitive to the spirit! I was going through tremendous upheaval in my life. I had prayed and prayed where I could find the answers to the dilemma that I had found myself in, and your mother called one evening and announced that she knew I was having difficulty and supplied me with the information that I desperately needed to help me solve the problem. She had listened to the promptings of the spirit and was literally an answer to my prayers.
Your mother and I have had some very special spiritual experiences together too. One evening she came over to our apartment. The reason why escapes me, but I remember as we were conversing the veil for a short moment was taken from our minds and both of us at the same time recognized each other as having been very close sisters in the pre-existence. Not only had Heavenly Father blessed us with this knowledge, But He also let us know that we had a work to do together. Both of us were very touched emotionally by this unveiling, and we decided that we would fast and pray and get together the following week to petition the Lord to see what He would have us do.
The following week your mother came again to my apartment, and we knelt together in prayer. We both felt that we were to write a book together and prayed for Heavenly Father to confirm this impression. The answer was a resounding, “yes.” We both felt a tremendous outpouring of the spirit, and we could not doubt the answer given to us.
Your mom and I decided that we would meet together once a week so that we could put our ideas down and take them to Heavenly Father for His approval. During the meetings we had many ideas pour into our heads; and, we decided that through poetry and prose we could reflect Heavenly Father’s plea to search and ponder the scriptures for the answers to problems in life. And, we also wanted to write about the different roles of womanhood and how we fit into the eternal scheme of things. During these times, your mother would tell me about you and what you were doing in school and what Sam and Marie were doing at home. She told me about funny incidents, and I remember one time we were both laughing so hard tears were rolling down our cheeks. I don’t remember the incident, unfortunately. She also told me how proud she was of you and your dad, and I can quote her directly as saying, “I love my family so much sometimes I just hurt inside.”
During these times, I basked in your mom’s great faith and love as she told of sacred experiences in her life. She told me of having a strong impression to buy her mother a rose for a special occasion and that it was to be from her sister who had died. She told of her parents and the whole family being saved from a head-on collision when their car was miraculously moved from its path onto a side road almost at the point of impact. She credited that miracle to the faith of her mother. She talked often of your grandmother and told me what great faith she had and I remember her telling me that your grandmother was instrumental in bringing forty people into the church in the area in which they lived. Some people thrive on talking and gossiping about the endless details of others’ lives, or current events, or politics, weather, sports, or other things, but Jenny and I thrived on discussing the gospel, our families, and their importance to us. We were both trying very hard to bring our lives into full compliance with the gospel so we could be an instrument in Heavenly Father‘s hands to do His will.
During these discussions, we also decided that we wanted to unite all the LDS children on base and start a summer school where one of the mothers could teach music, one could teach art, etc. Your mom, I remember, became excited and enthusiastic at the prospect and she wanted to teach a class on Book of Mormon heroes. She loved music too and wanted me to teach Melissa to play the violin. I remember she expressed a strong conviction of having good music in the home and she really wanted you children to appreciate and listen to good music. Your mother wanted the best of everything for you, and she wanted you to know that the gospel is true, just as she knows it is true.
Your mother and I had been meeting together for several weeks when I received a phone call from her. She seemed very disturbed and wanted to talk to me as soon as I could come over. I went to your home, and as your mother and I conversed, she told me that she hadn’t slept for three nights because she was afraid that if she went to sleep, she would die. Then she went on to explain about the difficulties she had experienced in giving birth to Sam. She told me that at one point during the birth process, her spirit had left her body. She told me that she asked Heavenly Father if it would be His will, to let her live long enough to give her baby a start in life. She related to me that she knew Heavenly Father had let her live this long to take care of Sam, but she said her heart felt so bruised she didn’t know how she could live and carry on her responsibilities any longer. As we talked, her thoughts again led to a great faith, and she told me that she wasn’t going to worry about how she felt. She told me that she was going to promise the Lord she would do anything He required of her, and she wasn’t going to let her physical limitations keep her from serving her family and others.
My own feeling is this was preparing her to leave this life. I really feel that Melissa was being prepared also for her mother’s death with the anxieties she was having when her mother left home or had responsibilities elsewhere.
During the weeks that followed, we continued to meet. Your mother shared some of her poetry with me, and it was beautiful. I was always impressed with your mother’s ability to follow the Savior’s admonition of going straightway to do His will as He admonished His soon-to-be apostles to leave their nets and go straightway and follow Him. We both felt very impelled that we needed to go faster on the preparations for our book.
I had a very special day one day when your mother asked me to drive her to Vogelweh. She said she didn’t feel strong enough to drive there herself. I remember her picking out dresses for each one of her girls, and she took delight in choosing each one hoping you would like what she chose. She put those dresses on layaway little knowing that she wouldn’t present those dresses to you herself.
The Thursday before your mother died, we met together, as usual, had a very nice lunch together and completely finished the outline of our book. After we finished, we felt a great burden lifted off our shoulders. We continued to visit for a while, and your mother started to cry. She told me that she had a very dear friend that was behaving in a way not in accordance with the gospel.
The last time I saw your mother before her death was Sunday morning in Primary. I was very touched by the kindness that she showed to a little boy that day. The primary chorister had called three children up to the front. They were to take turns choosing the songs. Two of the children found seats but the third little boy was bewildered, not knowing where to go or what to do. Your mother came clear from the back of the room to guide him to a chair, long before anyone closer even sensed that he was having a problem.
If she didn’t feel well that didn’t matter. What really mattered was the little boy and his well-being. She truly was an example of true Christ-like love.
Sunday night when my husband Scott told me that Jenny, your mother, was dead I didn’t sleep all night. I remember getting up at about 4:30 in the morning and writing a poem about her. I was in awe at the deep and abiding love I felt for your mother at her passing just in the short time I had known her. I thought about you and prayed for you to be comforted at her passing.
What happened the following day was totally amazing to me. My eyes we opened to the many people who had been touch by your mother’s life. Many called our home either not being able to reach your father or not wanting to bother him. Each one expressed a deep love and respect for your mother, and without fail, they related tearfully many instances of king words, encouragement, friendship, and example that your mother had given them. I spoke with many people from the stake that knew your parents and had deep love and respect for them. Your mother’s death was wide-felt and far-reaching, and I’m sure touched as many people with her death as she had in life. One dear friend of your mothers, Bonnie Johnson, told me that she was afraid of death, but she felt if Jenny was in the Spirit World, she was no longer afraid, she would be anxious to see Jenny again. I feel the same way too. I knew her for such a short period of time, but I can’t think of another relationship here I loved, respected, and admired more than your mother. I miss her and her influence on me.
I don’t know how each one of you perceives your mother, but your mom loved you with every fiber of her being. She often told me of her love for each of you, and I remember on one occasion when we had a ward swimming party she was sitting on the grass looking at all of you involved in your activities, and her look was one of loving admiration for her beautiful family.
I am sure if there is anything that your mother would tell you, were she here, is her great love for Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ and for all the great truths of the gospel. She would tell you how much she loved you and your dad, and how she respects him and the priesthood he holds. I will relate one last incident that I remember concerning her love and enthusiasm for the gospel and her great love for others. She told me that she had to prepare a special talk for the Young Women and she didn’t know what she was going to speak about. The next time she mentioned her talk, she was filled with enthusiasm and excitement. She was going to have the girls ‘take care’ of an egg for one week. Everywhere they went, the egg had to go. She was teaching the girls to be good stewards and teaching them to be responsible. They were to report their stewardship after one week. Some of the girls dropped and broke theirs; others were able to fulfill the assignment. I know the girls must have learned a great lesson from this assignment.
I became ill sometime after your mother’s death and thought perhaps I was going to die without being able to finish the book your mother and I had outlined. Your mother came to me in a dream and told me that it was not my time to go to the Spirit World and not to worry. Several months after, she again came to me in a dream. In the dream, I was standing in my kitchen, and your mother and another young woman came to visit me. The conversation we casual and we were conversing about our families. As she turned to go, she became very serious, and she said: “Carol, if you ever knew the help that was available on the other side you would never doubt yourself or your abilities and there would be nothing that you couldn’t accomplish with the Lord’s help.” She and the other woman left, and that was the end of the dream.
Your mother was a woman for great faith, wisdom, and understanding. There is no doubt in my mind that she is doing a great work in the Spirit World. I hope this letter has helped you understand and know your mother as I know her. She was a wonderful friend, and I truly love her with all my heart.
Sincerely,
Carol Worthington
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